In Hiding

Ok, maybe I haven't been like Elwood here, hiding but that's how feel in the past year. A lot of ups and downs and sometimes I just didn't feel like blogging about any of it. After the cross races at Beacon and Highland Park November8 and 9, 2008 I peaked which wasn't much of a big deal at the time. For the most part I was happy with my results and that weekend I realized I falling head over heels for a certain girl after getting off the phone with her everything was good and it was one of my best birthday I could remember in a while. That Sunday when I was about ready to leave NJ I broke down and cried, I was just overwhelmed and was happy that everything was falling in place. But in the next couple of weeks things started to go down hill, got sick after the Dutch Wonderland race, skip the following week of racing. Just didn't have the energy in my legs, the girl became distanced with me, after Christmas didn't hear from her :( and the last race of the season I missed my start time and did the B race which was a great experience but my knee was killing me afterwards for the next 2 weeks. I was toast, didn't even clean the bike until 2 months later. Got shoved by a student at work, back hurting again.

Things did pick up again for me in the spring, started riding a little and enjoying it, the girl started to talk to me again by March, I was looking forwards to summer vacation and boom! Was told to move the art room down the hall and guess what I did- F my back up! Spent my summer driving an hour up and back to get my back adjusted since Workman's comp wouldn't let me go to anyone closer and once my 90 days were up and I asked about switching Chiropractor, 3 days later my claim was denied which I'm still in the process of fighting and paying out of my own pocket for care and now I think my insurance company is about ready screw me. Headaches I tell you, I can't wait until I feel better, it's been up and down with my back. Just going to take time to heal. And Elwood is having knee problems again. Our walks had to become much shorter and some days you can tell his knee is hurting him.

As for the girl, We've been spending a lot time to together but I'm not sure how she felt about me and I've been trying all summer to tell her how I feel but shit, it was harder than I thought and trying to be careful not scare her away again like I did in December. I drop flowers off to her, she thought it was her house warmer gift, I mailed her cards I've hand drawn for her. I thought she would figure it out after awhile. But last week we were heading back from Baltimore, I just told her. Took me about 10 minutes to get the words. I can tell people how I feel but when it comes to love, I'm very guarded. Finally I just said "I'm in love with you." I think she was taken back a little but I think she has been just as guarded as I've been. She said it was complicated and that she is a mess realtionship wise and is current dating someone else. We talked for a while but nothing came from it. It's funny I was hoping to figure out where I stand but nothing has change and I'm still clueless to what to do and how she feels about me. I think she in same boat as me. I normally don't like put my emotion out there for anyone and everyone to see but sometimes just putting out there gets it off my chest and maybe I'll feel a little better and be able to breathe a little easier.

I feel like I'm in high school again with this love, it's hard. On the plus side I didn't scare her away and she sent me a text over the weekend :)